Well these last few days have been chalk full of drama, lmao. I remember when I told the main offender months ago that these sort of dramas only seem to happen in my life ONLY when she or her sister are involved. It find it extremely interesting that it’s been about five months since that conversation, and that statement is still true. I don’t know if that should make me happy or sad.

I love my friends, I really do to the point that I think it’s sometimes unhealthy. There isn’t too many things I wouldn’t do for a friend. But I feel like not all of them know that because damn part of my awkward personality that wont go away that doesn’t think I should show it in fear of bothering people. Although in the year that I’ve been in Virginia, it’s gotten a lot better.

Something a lot of people don’t know about me is that I have major, major attachment issues. I grew in a very unstable environment since I was 3. My mother was a hot mess and we were I was constantly moving, never in the same place for more than year a good chunk of my live. I’m only 21 and I’ve already moved 13 times in my life, so I had a hard time getting emotionally attached to people because already at an extremely young age, I was already expecting those people to leave or for me to leave. Nothing and no one was permanent. For a long time my biggest fear was getting attached to ANYONE. Because despite everything, I’m a very emotional being, I don’t per say hurt easily (I’m a tough betch lmao) but I’m easily hurt by the right people.

So I went through a huge part of my life just not bothering with people because I didn’t want to make a real connection with someone who’s only going to move on or for me to move away. And that attitude stayed with my for a long time.

Until I moved down here, I’m going to honestly say, until this last year. I’m in a situation where it’s practically known, living here there is a 80% chance of not being permanent, my husband is in the Navy and being relocated is extremely probable. So I already came here with a business mindset, I didn’t want to get attached to anyone because once again this isn’t permanent and we’ll all move on and I’ll be hurt. Good lord, I can’t believe I was that stupid. Like that was my only option or something.

I’ve made some of the most mind blowing friends down here that until I’m an old lady in the retirement home, we’ll still be calling each other talking about how we need fancy mustaches for our vaginas’, getting in all sort of mischief, and and just be there for each other… Trying on fancy wigs and wearing fabulous make up because we can, haha. And it all began because I just needed a bit of a push. Had it not been for one girl to not give up on my pessimistic attitude on making new friends, I would be a lonely bat with a really bad attitude right now. I wouldn’t have met anyone down here had she not decided to spam my text inbox on a daily basis until I replied and went along with weird things that I wanted to do that she wasn’t even into.

I really didn’t want to get attached to anyone, I really, really didn’t. I thought I could be content with my old friends back home, and don’t get me wrong I love them all equally too, but there are only so many things you can do when you’re a thousand of miles away from each other. They had their own lives and I couldn’t expect them to drop it because I was a lonely loser down here with no friends and wanted to talk to someone, lmao.

It’s just awesome, I almost forgot what it was like to have a group of female friends without having any drama, I almost forgot it was possible. Before I was only ever really friends with one girl at a time, and if I did have more then one, they were girls from different circles that didn’t know each other for one reason or another or knew each other and just didn’t hang out.

My girls now, they’re all about being positive and happy and healthy, to point it’s almost gross, lol. We’re such a weird dynamic, because we’re from all over the place and I would never think we would all get along the way we do. We have our sweet southern belle from a town with only 3 street lights with a random Prince fetish, we have our West Coast California girl that could double as a historian… who teaches pole dancing, we have our happy go lucky bubbly Filipino who I’m secretly convinced is the Asian wonder woman cuz good lord is she strong, then we have our ghettoclassy Virginian resident crazy could-almost-be-a-midget gun wielding maniac who we all adore, and then we have our cameo appearance from lovely wig maker who I could go on about for hours, who’s hands I want to rip off and glue to my face because of reasons. Never in a million year did I think I’d be in a group of girls like this, I don’t know how we work out so well lmao. We sound like an anime. xD

Actually I think I do know how we work. We love each other and most of all, we are all mature in a strong sense that we can all talk openly with each other, at any time. I still find it weird, because of people that I was always so used to dealing with, I never thought something like that was truly possible, especially in a group of girls.

I’m working hard to maintain the connections I’ve made. I guess I feel more secure with them, because I’ve become a lot more secure with myself as a person. I don’t care if I move again, these people are just as much friends of mine as the people I’ve managed to stay friends with through all the crazy moves back home. But I still fall into bad habits I guess it couldn’t kill me to start a conversation when I’m home, but dang it do I hate texting, I’m a work in progress still I guess lol. I’m glad that these people don’t seem to mind it that much, or at least understand. <3

Tl;dr If this is the only part you read just know this, if we’ve been friends for a long time and I haven’t talked to you as much the recent past, know that I love you and I do want you there if I’m failing at showing it. I tell myself stupid things in my head, but I do think a lot about y’all and little by little getting over it and trying to open myself even further, and I just hope you put up with it a bit more. And for those that don’t really know me in real life and are reading this, I hope I connected with you at some point in writing this. I’d like to tell myself we all go through this in life, just being overly self conscious about something that’s actually not an issue, but we still work hard to better ourselves anyway. I hope you enjoyed my random ramble, and you’re a trooper if you actually read all that. Another huge vice of mine is not being able to articulate my feelings in short phrases, lol. This post was mostly for me anyway, I just need to get it all out sometimes and this is really the only place I feel like I can do it.

Now, I got to finish packing for Katsucon. It’s going to be a crazy awesome weekend!! :)